I had this one friend who killed himself a few years ago. He hanged himself (pictures are hung, humans are hanged). On the day his divorce was finalized he placed a bolt into the archway leading from his dining room to his kitchen, tied a noose to it, and hanged himself with his dog watching. Friends found him the next day when he didn't report into work. The most awkward moment of my life was when I met up with his elderly mom a couple of days later at his house and she asked, "is this where Shawn hung himself?" I let the grammatical error slide.
That's all fucked up. Leaving all that emotional baggage to his ex, not letting anyone know that his dog would need to be fed. And perhaps worst of all was that he was this mega collector with awesome stuff and a pile of debt that he left his mom to deal with. All she had in her life was her son and he traded her that for some dumb shit. As it turns out two months later she got a heat stroke in one of his storage spaces, fell and knocked her head and died. The last time I saw her alive was when she was on the front row of his memorial service and I spoke about missing my friend.
This dude was like my big brother and I haven't forgiven him for killing himself and leaving things the way he did. I hope I can some day but here we are, over 3 years later, and I still get pissed. When folks post on Facebook how much they miss him and their conversations and whatnot I feel disconnected from that person. Maybe it's a flaw on my part, I don't know. But this is the first time I've publicly shared these feelings with anyone and since no one reads my blog anyway I figured I would get it out there.
That stupid fucker would have loved "Drive" and the last two seasons of "Breaking Bad." The dog found a new home.
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