**Attention, anyone can read this but I'm specifically aiming this diatribe at atheists and agnostics. In this typically long-winded blog I'm going to share some stories and attempt to tie them together into a cohesive thought here so bear with me if you have the time.**
Some of you may recall that I used to pride myself as "the atheist who loves Xmas." Well, I'm not anymore. I don't celebrate Xmas or Christmas. I take some stuff way too seriously and holidays are one of them. Since "the holiday season" has become so politicized I decided I would take a formal position on the matter.
So, instead of saying "well...I don't really celebrate Christmas because I'm not into Santa or Jesus but I like the lights and blah blah blah" I've found a great alternative: HumanLight. Some people in New Jersey started it and since then it's been sponsored by the American Humanist Association. Basically, since it falls on December 23rd it's like the secular humanist's bootleg Christmas. Yes, I know it's a stupid fucking name. Truthfully, I'm stumped when it comes to thinking of a better one but it's at least as good as "Easter" or "Arbor Day." If you're a secular humanist you've got something to put on your calendar. Note: it's the day AFTER my birthday which should also be on your calendar so you can remember to give me stuff.
But here's the thing: it's for secular humanists, right? So we have a holiday now where we get to all be proud about being humanists without the "burden" or whatever of religion? What does that mean? That we show the light of our....well, that's what I'm wondering. The light of our what?
Get this: I'm an atheist. I actively believe there is no god. In my opinion, that in no way speaks to my character or the quality of person I am. It may affect my decisions and actions but just because I don't believe in the supernatural in any way means I'm a "good" or "bad" person. Despite what that moron Paul may have said in a letter, my works actually do matter. But, you know, I don't think all atheists really get this idea.
See, a few weeks ago I went to an atheist meetup. Was I there to engage in intellectual discourse? Well, sure. I mean, mostly I was there hoping there might be some hot, single atheist babes who didn't think being involved in the professional wrestling business was appalling but, yeah, sure, I was there for the discourse. Certainly there was some of that (not so much the hot babes) but there was one thing I definitely found: self righteous atheist snarkiness.
You know, I get it. Religion is stupid. It teaches things and ideas that are untrue and often harmful. Tell me something I don't know. But you know what, just because you aren't religious you aren't all of the sudden better than the people who are religious. In fact, if all your anti-religious experience grants you is the ability to make jokes about Mormons then chances are you might not actually have a whole lot going for you.
Jump forward to a few weeks later. I was invited to a breakfast by a fellow skeptic and was fortunate to meet some very cool people. Snarkiness was not present at this discussion but there was, thankfully, some disagreement. The idea was presented that there was a deep concern about the presence of libertarianism within the skeptic community. For one thing, I don't think having a diversity of opinion within the community is a bad thing but for another HEY! I'm a libertarian! In fact, I describe my beliefs as being "atheist libertarianism."
Without putting too fine a point on it, basically someone said that though she is an atheist she still maintains some of her Christian morality and that as such she still supports the idea of having a safety net. Mind you, I'm not saying that we shouldn't have a safety net but I retorted by saying (and I paraphrase), "I still have some of my Christian morality as well but the tradition I came from was the Salvation Army and even though most of those people support conservative economics they devoted much of their lives to supporting social services and saw helping those in need as part of their duty as Christians."
Flash forward to yesterday: a friend of mine, perhaps one of the most compassionate humans I've ever known, texted me asking if she should give money to the Salvation Army because she wanted to know if the money went to the church or social services. I'm sure that to most atheists the answer is very clear: no, the Salvation Army is a church and they shouldn't get any of my money. Almost certainly my issues with the SA are personal and deeper than yours so when I say I don't give money to them believe me when I say have legitimate reasons. But for you? You could do better but you could do a hell of a lot worse too.
But then it hit me, all three of the stories have this same connective idea: what does it mean to be a secular humanist? I mean, we have a holiday with a stupid name now, right? So what are we celebrating about our belief? That we think we're smarter than Christians? I can tell you right now that I don't want any part of that bullshit.
Listen, I'm not going to attempt to argue that libertarianism maximizes resources and expands economic growth for all people in the long run. Frankly, I'm not sure that it does and there is evidence to the contrary. But I can tell you what I want out of my own life and what I'd like for others: I want to be able to be free to make my own decisions, live my life as I best see fit, use my time how I want, make whatever I want out of my life to the best of my ability, take care of myself and those that I love, and when I'm able, help out people who are in greater need than myself. That's all I want. I don't mind people telling me what they think is best for me but I sure as hell don't want to be forced to do anything. I don't want anyone to be forced into doing anything they don't want to do. If that's the ugly presence of libertarianism, idyllic and naive as it may be, I can live with that.
But what I can't live with is people calling themselves "secular humanists" and then not really giving a fuck about their fellow Homo sapien. There probably should be a safety net provided by the state. But if you ask me, it should be a last line of defense. The reason we're even alive as a species is because evolution granted altruism as part of our genetic make up. We're here because we had to take care of each other. Is it enough? Maybe not, but goddamn it, let's at least fucking TRY.
The people in the Salvation Army are wrong about us needing Jesus. Cool. But you know what, I've seen Salvationists who would LITERALLY take their shirt off for a person in need. No, gays aren't going to hell and it's a stupid, horrible belief to hold. But, goddamn, those assholes cared about their fellow human beings. To me THAT is really what it means to be a humanist.
Secular humanists, I'm not saying you need to change your politics because as far as I know you're right. But I will ask you to do is to give a fucking shit about your fellow humans and do something about it. We're smart enough to know that evolution brought us to this point on Earth, we ought to be smart enough to figure out that we can be personally involved in helping to make the lives of other humans better.
Honestly I don't really want to be kind to the world. I want to be fucking Lex Luthor. I want to be so smart, so driven, so crazy I can challenge goddamn Superman. Really, I'm not even that nice of a person. Ask the guy at the gas pump who yells, "hey, big man!" if I open up my wallet to him. But since my stupid monkey brain keeps telling me "you're supposed to care about those dumb schleps within your species" I try to find some ways to exhibit compassion.
So if you're a secular humanist I expect the same out of you. I'm not saying stop giving to your fucking save-the-pit bull campaign ('cause some of those chicks wear skimpy outfits and make calendars with which you can put my birthday on) but how about this: give to a save-the-human charity every now and then. My favorite is Doctors Without Borders but there are plenty of great ones out there, probably even better ones. You've got time and resources to go online and waste it reading my bullshit so you must have something going for you.
What's that? You're like me and mooching off the Internet at work? Then give blood or something. That's apolitical, that's secular. I've even gotten some cute phlebotomists' numbers out of the deal. There are lots of ways of addressing material needs and until we have an Atheism Army that runs orphanages and handles disaster relief you might have to bite the bullet and do it in a less appealing way.
My point, briefly - Dear Atheists,
Stop being so goddamned snarky and help out your fellow fucking human.
No government, NGO, non-profit or even corporation is going to make this place better if we aren't willing to do the good ourselves first. Maybe if we're all so smart and just so goddamned humanistic that one day we won't be arguing about a safety net we'll actually be runnin' this damn thang. Maybe it won't be goddamned megachurches I see running winter-time clothing and toy drives in my 'hood. I know a lot is institutional and just being compassionate and godless won't change that, but it sure as hell is a step in the right direction.
